My special needs son

I am a special mom. Yes that's right I said special not special needs. I am special because I have the gift of a child who sees the world through a filter that has changed us and how we view the world and ourselves, and continues to (gently and sometimes not so gently) change and challenge us every day.

My eldest son is on the autistic spectrum he is PDD (Nos) which means exactly... not much.

It is Pervasive Development Disorder - a little Asperger's, a little OCD, a little typically autistic.

He also has Tourette's syndrome and Frontal Lobe Epilepsy. This basket of medical terms translates to a confusing world for my son. A world where the lines are crooked when they should be straight... where the sky is stormy when you need a sunny day. To a world where everything that should have rules doesn't and all the made rules are wrong! And yet... he moves on courageously with a grace and a wicked sense of humour and a heart so big you can't help but to stop in wonder at the way he creates his reality despite his 'crazy head' inside.

I asked him once what a fit felt like inside his body. He said ' like a thousand jelly fish stinging me inside my head'. Well that may explain his obsession with jellyfish then, for several years. The world is scary for him and while most boys do get preoccupied with sharks and dinosaurs at some point my son is obsessed. It's part of his makeup and OCD features to be obsessed. He is obsessed with scary things. The more they scare him the more obsessed he becomes. Sharks with the biggest teeth, sharks with the biggest body mass. Great Whites just didn't cut it after a while until he discovered Megladons, those ancient prehistoric giants of a shark. Dinosaurs are proving as elusive right now, none are big or scary enough, none are fierce enough.We worked our way past Tyranosaurus Rex pretty quickly and now he's not sure if a Spinosaurus, Baryonyx or Godzilla are the fiercest... and the search continues.

I wonder to myself if he will find a creature as large or powerful as the anxiety and fight or flight impulse he feels on a daily basis. I am just not sure there is one out there to match. Yet everyday he infuses the world with the most profound sense of wonder and purity, the most unconditional love. People who meet him are cannot help but be touched by him. His courage moves mountains and his bravery changes people...

So you see I am special because I have a gift not many people have. My very own dinosaur slayer!

Hayley Moore


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