Undue Attention – People, young and old desire and need attention. But someone who needs attention all the time will resort to behaviour to keep others busy with him or to get special treatment.
Part 2 of A Naughty Child Is A Discouraged Child!
Power - For some their mistaken goal is to be in charge and be the "boss". By their misbehaviour they are saying "I am in control" or "You can't make me".
Revenge - These children often feel they have been hurt or that they can never win in a power struggle. They feel the only way to belong is to get even.
Assumed Inadequacy - Often a child or teenager will just give up and display helplessness. They want to be left alone so that they have no expectations to live up to.
Just these four goals of misbehaviour can provide you with the clues you need to redirect your child and help them find positive ways to fulfil their needs. Understanding that your child is not consciously plotting their misbehaviour but that it is based on a mistaken goal seated in their sense of self worth, will go a long way in promoting a respectful style of discipline in your home which WILL carry through to the classroom and to our society.
SUGGESTED TIPS FOR DISCIPLINING WHILE KEEPING SELF-ESTEEM IN MIND
- Separate the deed from the doer; he/she is acceptable and lovable in spite of his/her behaviour;
- Tell and show your child that you trust him/her to act responsibly in accordance with your expectations and procedures;
- Tell him/her you expect that he/she will learn from the experience and carry the lesson through to ensure a successful future for him/her;
- Through your disciplining voice and actions reassure him/her that he/she has your continued regard and support even though you do not accept what he/she did and it is contrary to your expectations and procedures;
- Always give him/her your belief that he/she will choose differently the next time a similar situation arises.
AS A PARENT WRITE UP AND DISPLAY SOME OF THESE PHRASES. THINK OF SOME OF YOUR OWN PARTICULAR TO YOUR HOME ENVIRONMENT AND INVOLVE YOUR CHILD BY HAVING THEM PUT AN ARTISTIC AND CREATIVE FLAIR TO IT. THEN REVERSE THE EXCERCISE AND HAVE THEM WRITE UP AND DISPLAY SOME OF THEIR PHRASES TO HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE:
- Disrupting our procedures interferes with our happy time together;
- I value you but we are not equals. At this time I am the expert here;
- Let’s all stick to our agreement so that will can achieve and enjoy the life we all dream of;
- There are consequences for every violation of our agreement – BE AWARE. (Warnings give you room to take corrective measures);
- You ______ (your child’s name) have made is this far – that means you have some understanding of what appropriate and inappropriate behaviour is;
- I cannot be bribed. I don’t buy discipline. The reward for you is SUCCESS in your life!
A CHILD WILL TRY MUCH HARDER TO PLEASE YOU WHEN THERE IS CONSISTENT ENCOURAGEMENT:
- Encouragement can be given at any time
- Encouragement is non-judgmental
- Encouragement communicates trust in your child
- Encouragement inspires
- Encouragement passes on courage and confidence
- Encouragement helps develop a sense of self-pride
- Encouragement develops internal motivation
- Encouragement communicates
You have a lot to offer your child—create the right environment in which to offer it and see the results.
Dr. Tracey Stewart (Expert in Developmental Psychology and ECD in Private Practice - Headwiseonline2u.co.za)